CORTINA WHIPLASH

From left to right: Tessa (guitar), Loandi (bass and lead vox) & Auriel (drums)

“Last night Cortina Whiplash gave me my virginity back and then violently stole it again. Too beautiful.”
- Eleni Ladas, Facebook fan

In past interviews with CORTINA WHIPLASH, they were quoted to have said, "Rock n Roll will never die, it'll be our salvation." A focused, intense attitude to their music. Being passionate about one's music should come naturally to those who are dedicated enough, and these girls more than prove their worth. With sex appeal dripping out of their instruments when playing live, these ladies can capture and contain any audience they're put in front of. Cigarettes, tequila, red lips and killer Iron Fist heels, one cannot help to simply be drawn to their music and pizzazz. With their album release in 2010, "Queen Hyena", I wouldn't be surprised if their audience and following had quadrupled over the past two years. Putting aside the "sugar, spice and everything nice" cliche, here's a small glimpse of what these women are really made of...

1) How long have you ladies been performing for?

Auriel: Together, since 2005 probably but as Cortina Whiplash, since 2008.

Tessa: We’ve been performing together in various projects for over 5 years now.

2) What, in your opinion, is the most enjoyable / fulfilling part of being a part of this industry?

Auriel: The jam time. Just playing music with two of your best friends, travelling and getting up to no good.

Tessa: I’d say it’s all the interesting people we’ve met along the way, also the travelling, whilst most people are sitting behind a desk we’re getting drunk on the backroads of SA.

Loandi: Being on stage and expressing things in a way that you can’t necessarily do in a normal conversation.

3) What would you consider to be your least favourite part of being in the industry?

Auriel: The limitations that genre and location has in this country. Rock ‘n roll is but a crumb of the big industry pie. First of all the shit that people will refer to as ‘rock ‘n roll’ is often laughable. Secondly within that misconstrued genre we have Afrikaans/Belville rock ‘n roll, Pretoria rock ‘n roll that is vastly different from Durban or even Joburg rock ‘n roll. You will often find that people in Pretoria have no idea what’s happening in Joburg or Cape Town.

I think folks miss out on a lot of good music by considering themselves fans of specific genres only and people should make more effort to either get out of town to see bands or support out of town bands.

Tessa: Stinky man breath microphones. Seriously there’s nothing worse than the smell of a microphone after a bunch of booze-breathed men have been shouting into it.

Loandi: The sexism

4) Have you ever encountered any Crazy fans/ incidents with fans during a show or out in public?

Auriel: Yes, we have some colourful fans…some are scary at times, but we love them nonetheless. Crazy is welcome with us.

Tessa: We used to have a fourth band member called Mandy, she was a blowup doll and she was also our flautist. After a show at Wolmer someone kidnapped her whilst she was backstage. We fear the worst and doubt her hygienic seals are still intact.

Other than that we have pretty cool fans, some fans have made their own t-shirts quoting some of our writing, others have kept the t-shirt they were wearing the first time they heard us play. We really dig our fans and respect anyone who takes the time to listen and understand rather than judge and criticise.

Loandi: At Smoking Dragon a female fan gave me her bikini top and she stole my shirt, she literally pulled it off my body in front of everybody and gave me her bikini top in return. Fair trade.

5) Where are the majority of your performances based (area wise) and how do you advertise your upcoming shows to the public?

Auriel: Mostly Joburg, but this year we’ll spend a lot of time touring the rest of the country.

Tessa: We haven’t been active on the scene for almost 6 months now but we’ve played most of our shows in joburg purely because that’s where we’re based. We try to play as much of the country as possible though and we’ve played shows in just about every major venue and festival around the country. EXCEPT for RAMfest and Rocking the Daisies, hopefully we can rectify that this year.

6) If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?

Auriel: To be able to speak and understand every language in the world.

Loandi: I would want a really long tail that I could use to balance myself on, like an extra limb, I could use it to hang on branches and possibly to play a 2nd instrument whilst I explain things with my hands.

Tessa: The ability to poop bullet-shaped (so they’ll pass easier) golden turds. The reason should be self-evident.

7) If you could work with any current artist/group, who would it be and why?

Auriel: There are so many really and it changes all the time, but at the moment probably The Brother Moves On. I love what they are doing.

Tessa: There are oh so many, we’d love to work with Jack White, Eagles of Death Metal, The Black Keys, Patti Smith

8 ) Are there any South African Artists you’d like to work/ collaborate with, and again, why?

There are many local female artists and instrumentalists I would love to work with. Thandiswa Mazwai, Tamara Dey and Yolandi Vi$$er comes to mind.

The Stella’s, The Slashdogs, Shadowclub

9) What are your future intensions with the band?

Auriel: Wow, you sound like an angry dad…”what are your intensions with my daughter?”... boy have I heard that before. Just making honest music and representing woman in a real way.

Loandi: To keep on keeping on.

Tessa: We want to make people feel really uncomfortable, challenge their comfort zones so to speak and say vagina a lot in our songs.

10) What is your pet hate, with regards to the band? (e.g. Comparisons, internal arguments, finances, etc.)

Auriel: I hate the general ‘women of rock’ genre that people love to shove us into. There is no woman/man in music. It’s just fucking rock ’n roll. Get with the program. Internally, shit can get emotional. Obviously with three periods in the band you can only imagine, but that’s when our writing is at its best.

Loandi: We’re sisters, we love like sisters and we fight like sisters, so we fight about things that sisters fight about, which is pretty much everything.

Tessa: The fact that we don’t get to have more time to jam together.

Their video "Oh for P"

11) What is your main message you’d like to give out to your fans/following right now?

Auriel: Be who you are and speak up. There is a lot of unacceptable shit out there that people let slide. If you have an opinion make it heard, leave the room, leave poop on their doorstep, challenge authority.

Loandi: My main message as a woman with a flat chest is to not think too much about what you don’t have and to just love who you are and what you do have. It’s not about what you wear it’s about how you wear it.

Tessa: Always buy us a shot of tequila if you see us at a show.

12) Where can we catch you next?

The Bohemian in Joburg on the 27th of March and the Otterlake Easter Festival 31 March in Pretoria

13) Is it difficult to keep up with your personal lives and the on goings of the band at the same time? Or have you all learned to handle it.

Auriel: It’s difficult, but we get better at it all the time.

Tessa: I think we’ve finally found a good balance; also we’re all women so I think the dynamic is different to most bands. Ultimately we’re all really good friends, pretty much sisters, and as women do we share all our fears, joys, experiences with each other.

14) Who is your biggest personal influence?

Auriel: Probably my high school art teacher, Mr. Johnston. He was like a mentor to me. He introduced me to a lot of cool music and free thinking.

Loandi: Freddy Mercury

Tessa: My grandfather

15) Give a random fact about yourself.

Auriel: I have a second personality, called Ace. You don’t want to run into her in a dark alley.

Loandi: I use a tongue scraper.

Tessa: I can handle a chainsaw like it’s nobody’s business

16) What did you want to be when you “grew up”.

Auriel: I wanted to be an orchestra conductor. I used to put on a classical vinyl and conduct my stuffed animal imaginary band with Chinese chopsticks.

Tessa: A rockstar! For real.

Loandi: I always wanted to be in showbiz, grew up on a farm and used to pretend that the big diesel tank in the back was my first stage and I’d sing to the mielies. Then I would quickly jump off the tank and pretend to be in the audience clapping.

17) Biggest fear.

Auriel: Spiders and Shania Twain, and especially a cross breed of the two.

Loandi: Losing my family and my band.

Tessa: Becoming a bitter, rude, mean old person

18) Favourite part of each show you perform.

Auriel: The afterglow. Nothing like getting off stage drenched in sweat and pumped with adrenaline.

Loandi: There’s a magic moment that only happens sometimes when a song ends and everything was more than perfect, but that doesn’t always happen but it’s amazing when it does.

Tessa: The part when someone haggles you from the crowd and you have a super snappy, witty comeback and a microphone.

19) Describe your personality using any Movie title.

Auriel: Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Loandi: Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind.

Tessa: One flew over the cuckoo’s nest

20) Is sexy what you aim for, or does it come naturally?

Auriel: I was born sexy.

Loandi: There have been many times when I haven’t felt pretty or sexy but rock ‘n roll isn’t always pretty. When our music is tight and we’re solid as a band that’s usually when people think I’m sexy.

Tessa: I think in pop music it is easier to define sexy, it’s blatant and obvious by what the women wear and do etc. but in rock n roll I think the perceived sexiness is a result of experiencing music that is genuine and expressed by someone who doesn’t give a shit what you think about them and that’s kinda sexy. But no sexy isn’t what we go for but thanks for implying that we’re sexy

Power. Pure unadulterated power. There aren't many other ways to convince you to get your ass up and make a plan to see these women live, but let me tell you - nothing will ever be the same once you do. To find out more about these gals, take a look at their facebook page here, or stalk them via twitter here

Their music video for "To Amber"